The Northeast Assisted Fertility Group has twenty years of experience working with surrogates across the United States from all different backgrounds. We know that deciding to become a surrogate mother is an extraordinary act of generosity and compassion. We also know that support from those around you is an essential requirement. Explaining your surrogacy journey to others is one of your first steps.
Although we are not psychologists, social workers, or clinicians, we have a few tips based on our experience that could help make these conversations easier for you.
Your Spouse or Partner
Your spouse is your partner in your surrogacy journey: he or she participates in the meetings with your intended parents and in your medical screening appointments. There can be no hesitation or doubt on the spouse’s part. Typically, you do not simply inform your partner about your decision, but the issue develops organically over a series of conversations. In our experience, spouses know how compassionate and generous their wives are, and they are not surprised by their desires to be surrogates. They appreciate their willingness to help others while earning extra income for the family.
Your Children
As you begin to explain surrogacy to your child or children, keep it simple and honest: “Some families can’t have babies on their own, so Mommy is helping them. I’ll carry their baby in my tummy and after the baby is born, they get to go live with their own family.” You can also reassure your children that your love for them remains: “Aren’t you excited that we get to help another family have a baby of their own that they can love like Mommy loves you?”
There are many children’s books and free videos online that explain surrogacy to children in a way that’s easy for them to understand.
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